+++ NEWS HEADLINES +++ U.S. POLITICAL SPECIAL EDITION +++ Barack Obama to feed 50,000 starving Ohio blue-collar workers; says "Jesus lacked ambition" +++ Hillary Clinton aide accuses Obama camp of being "a bunch of big meanies" +++ Ralph Nader strokes fluffy white cat and laughs maniacally as world domination plot enters final phase +++ John McCain gives same speech for the fourth time +++ Schwarzenegger shows McCain support by infiltrating Democratic Party HQ and blowing up filing cabinet +++ Mike Huckabee decapitated in freak yachting accident, but vows to "fight until the bitter end" +++ George W. Bush still trying to learn how to tie own shoelaces +++ Restaurant-themed blog owner sued for libel +++
  

  Causing Excess Salivation since 2003

~ Authentic Italian ambience
~ Freshly-prepared gourmet cuisine
~ Sparkling repartee from your charming host
~ Elite staff of trained monkeys
~ Reasonably priced
 
 
 
Antipasti

If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.

-- Mark Twain
 
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
 
Analyse this

Herewith a conversation which took place between myself and The Missus at 3:30 am this morning:
Missus: Hey.
Pastamasta: Wstfgl.
Missus: Oi.
Pastamasta: What?
Missus: Did you bring any tubs?
Pastamasta: Huh?
Missus: Never mind, I'm dreaming.
Pastamasta: [snores]

5 minutes later:

Missus: Hey!
Pastamasta: What?!?
Missus: Did you put any tubs or lids on the floor?
Pastamasta: What are you on about??
Missus: I told you, I'm dreaming. Just say no.
Pastamasta: Er... no.
Missus: That's okay then. [snores]
Pastamasta: [lies awake for ten minutes trying to figure out what the hell is going on]
Suggestions on a postcard to the usual address.


Served by pastamasta at 8:52 AM
>> 2 blobs of sauce - add more
>> takeaway
 
Friday, October 21, 2005
 
Driftwood

Too many bloody things to bloody do at bloody work. Need a holiday. Am seriously considering buying a small island in the Indian Ocean (okay, small piece of floating debris, on my salary) and becoming a professional castaway. At least I'd get a good seafood diet, and plenty of peace and solitude. On the downside, well-caulked bits of floating debris are hard to come by these days.


Served by pastamasta at 1:06 PM
>> 2 blobs of sauce - add more
>> takeaway
 
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
 
Brum Brum

There are 17 Birminghams around the world, plus one on the Moon (yes, really). I've just got back from taking The Missus to the original for a long-weekend break. Why Birmingham, you may ask? Well, there are many interesting things about Birmingham which you may or may not know:
  • "Birmingham" means "home of the people of the tribal leader Beorma"
  • It's known as "Brum" to its natives
  • There are 17 Birminghams etc.
  • It was at the centre of the Industrial Revolution
  • Oxygen was discovered in Birmingham
  • Birmingham has more parks than any other UK city
  • Birmingham is partnered with Chicago, Frankfurt, Johannesburg, Lyon and Milan
  • J. R. R. Tolkien was a Birmingham native
  • As were George Cadbury (he of the chocolate) and Ozzy Osbourne (he of the bat-fetish and the mad wife)
  • The world-famous Mini automobile was invented and built in Birmingham
  • Birmingham's National Exhibition Centre attracts almost half of the UK's conference business
  • The first commercial steam engines were built in Birmingham by James Watt
  • Gas lighting, medical x-rays, and the photocopier were all invented in Birmingham
There were others, but the voiceover in the Ferris-wheel cabin got drowned out at that point by the sound of drunken students vomiting into the fountain in Centenary Square. They would undoubtedly have included the fact that Birmingham is rather lovely on a warm evening down by the canal, and boasts a superb teppanyaki restaurant which does a killer teriyaki salmon.


Served by pastamasta at 3:02 PM
>> 5 blobs of sauce - add more
>> takeaway
 
Monday, October 10, 2005
 
What's in a name

Am considering renaming this blog "The Occasional Linguini" in deference to the recent infrequency of my postings. The obvious pros are internal consistency and not misleading my readers through false implication (for few though they may be, they are important, those happy few). The big con is having to bugger about with a new domain name and all the concomitant technical skullduggery which that would entail. Also, it wouldn't really make any sense, not that "The Daily Linguini" makes a great deal of sense to start with, frankly, but it probably needs all the sense it can get right now.

In other news, I have had to stop wearing my regular brand of deodorant, as I've taken to parking in the top office car park and walking a short distance through the woody bit to get to the main building, and the aroma is apparently inflaming the sexual ardour of the local squirrels. My evidence for this is that a couple of the little perverts tried to shag my kneecaps last week. On the other hand, I do suffer from a rare and curious deformity whereby my lower legs resemble the back ends of female sciuridae, so I suppose I could be jumping to conclusions.


Served by pastamasta at 1:16 PM
>> 5 blobs of sauce - add more
>> takeaway